Disruption, Disappointment, Disilusionment – December

For followers of this blog – and especially for those who knew of and followed my previous blog – the past few months have been uncommonly quiet for me. It’s not that I have not wanted to write, its just that when I get an idea that seems to be important, and when I sit down to explore that idea, it just all seems to vanish. That which seemed so valuable and so worthy of a blog post seems to become so trivial. I guess I should say the same thing about other blogs that I read. I come across a catchy title, but by about the third or fourth paragraph I think, “And I wasted the past few minutes of my life on THIS?”

2017 has been an especially unkind year for me and my family: three hospital stays, two surgeries, CT scans, PET scans, more doctor visits than you can count, enough physical therapy to rehabilitate a football team. Through it all we have been extraordinarily blessed by family and friends. But it has been a brutal year, especially that last 4 months.

Emotionally and spiritually the last few months have taken their toll on me as well. I guess I am at that place in life where so many men (and maybe women do too, I don’t know) ask themselves about what they have accomplished and what meaning their life has, and what difference they have made. Looking back I have not accomplished what I wanted to accomplish, I have not been where I wanted to go, and I am not now fulfilling the role that I feel I was most gifted and called to do. It is all so singularly depressing.

Someone once described life as the contents of three buckets. When you are young you have a bucket full of dreams, and two empty buckets – one for precious memories of dreams accomplished and one for the regrets concerning those dreams that go unfulfilled. The goal is as the dream bucket gets emptied, for the precious memories to be full, and the regret bucket to stay empty.

I now realize that I have many, many dreams that I will never achieve. One reason for that is that when I was young I could REALLY dream up some doozies. Another reason is that as I get older I realize that many of the dreams just really were not all that important, and so technically while the broken dream goes into the regret bucket, it really does not fill it up that much.

My hope is that in January I can return to writing in this blog again. I hope I will have something more constructive to set forth in this space, ¬†and I really do not want my readers to feel like they have wasted any precious time reading what I do offer. I truly appreciate all the “likes” and “follows,” and I will do my best to present thoughts worthy of your consideration.

Until that time, my prayer is that all of us will continue to climb higher by descending lower. I pray we will learn the message of John 13 – there is nobility in humility and we reign by serving.

Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, and may you and yours have the best and most prosperous of New Years.